Drowning
by Rusted.Diamonds
Summary: Sometimes you just need someone to hold you, to tell you that everything will be okay. Percy is drowning-in his memories, in his pain. He just needs someone to help him learn how to breathe again.


I used to care. About other people, training, school-everything, I guess. Though, at some point that care dwindled. Time ticked by, leaving memories lingering within the midst of my subconscious. Memories of pain and suffering; and at some point those memories became too much. I decided that the only way to ease the hurt and salvage some semblance of my sanity, was to simply stop caring.

So that's exactly what I did.

/Line Break/

I woke up, shivering and sweating all the same. My heart racing and mind reeling from the images my overactive imagination had supplied it. I cup my shaky hand over my mouth, futilely trying to smother my cries.

I don't want to remember this. I lived through it once, wasn't that pain enough? Sometimes I wish I could return to the blissful peace of my amnesiac brain. That I never drank the Gorgon's blood. That my mind had never been "healed."

That thought makes me laugh, a quick sputtering noise that sounds a bit off due to my consistent sobs. The irony of it is amusing. At that time I would've risked everything for my memories to reappear. Hell, I _did_ risk everything.

Unfortunately, the most horrific memories were created after my mind was wiped. There was nothing I could've done to escape this torture, nothing to reprieve me of this pain. Me, Percy Jackson, savior of Olympus, the so-called strongest demigod of this time, cannot even save himself.

And I think, _that_ , is the most pathetic thought of them all.

/Line Break/

"Hey, Percy, what's up, bro!"

I turn to see Jason running up behind me. I sigh and begrudgingly slow my gait, not in the mood for a conversation, yet simultaneously lacking the energy I would need to efficiently tell him off.

"I was looking for a good sparring partner, think you wanna take me up on that offer?" Jason looks at me pleadingly. His sparkly blue eyes wide, full-on puppy dog mode, almost daring me to decline.

"I'm sorry, Jace, but I kinda just wanted to be alone right now."

I could feel his eyes raking along my features. Taking in my dark purple bags, knotted hair, and generally crumpled appearance. His sigh was deep and heavy. He wasn't happy with my answer, although he knew just as well as I did that he couldn't do shit about that.

"Oh, yeah, that's fine, I guess...catch you later?"

"Yeah, whatever," I mutter in response, hurrying to escape his scrutinizing gaze. I know I look like shit. I'm tired and pissy and have slept a total of six hours over the course of the past seven days. Sue me for wanting some time alone.

/Line Break/

He found me sitting at the docks. He always finds me, although this time I can't say I was truly hiding. He sat down next to me. Quietly. Our somber moods smothering whatever conversations our minds could manage could create.

So we sat, thick silence settling between us, making me uncomfortable, yet peaceful-happy that I wasn't forced to pretend that I was happy.

He turned to me. "Everyone's worried about you."

"I know."

"You can't keep doing this."

"I know."

"Goddamnit, Percy, stop saying that!" His eyes were big and wet. Desperate. He knew my pain. He was there as well. "You can't keep shutting everyone out-you can't-Percy, please don't shut _me_ out."

He was crying now. I think I was too, I couldn't tell, crying has become second nature for me by this point. I kept waiting for the time when my eyes would dry out and tears would no longer run down my face, when I could cry all I wanted without people knowing.

That never happened though. My eyes contained infinite amounts of water as does my heart and my body and my soul. I am connected to it, I need it, even when I don't want it.

"Will things ever be normal again?" I croaked out. Voice shaky. Nervous. Anxious. Afraid.

"Maybe...eventually," he smiled at me, "have things ever been normal?" He let out a soft laugh.

I couldn't bring myself to smile with him. "I just want the pain to stop."

"I know."

I turned to him. To his big, watery dark eyes. To his damp dark hair, his salty, wet, olive cheeks. I felt the connection to the water-the water around us, the water in him. I felt attuned to it's movement, it's rhythm, and for the first time in long time, I felt alive.

"Nico," I choked out, unable to finish my sentence as I collapsed into him, my own tears overtaking my body.

"I know," he whispered. "I know."

 **Author's Note**

 **So this is really short, sorry about that. I am working on my other story. The next chapter is getting written as we speak...just a couple more weeks. I have literally no motivation or inspiration for anything right now, but AP classes are over, and I refuse to leave anything unfinished. This is just something I found in my docs, not entirely sure how old it is, but hope you enjoy anyway...just something small as some form of peace offering from not updating in about 6 months**

 **Sorry...please R &R**

 **justabitofmemetrash**


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